Deal Breakers in a Relationship


Lack of trust in any relationship is a deal breaker


I took a poll on social media to see what my followers determined are deal breakers in a relationship. Before I get to some of their answers, for me personally in this moment of my life, I would have to say cheating is definitely a deal breaker for me. I’m at the point of my life where I don’t tolerate infidelity, period! I’m a firm believer of “Do unto others, as you would want done unto you” philosophy. So, if I’m not out here cheating on my partner, I expect the same respect for our relationship from my partner.


Another deal breaker for me is any kind of abuse, as a survivor of domestic violence, it is my life’s mission to stay a survivor. Domestic violence is when a partner uses a pattern of behaviors to obtain power and control in the relationship. This can be done emotionally, physically, financially, spiritually, using coercion, threats, intimidation, male privilege, minimalizing, denying and blaming as well. I do not tolerate abuse of any kind in any relationship.


Some of the responses I got when I posted this question on social media were things like substance or alcohol abuse, don’t care for children, long distance, lying, not financially stable, bad sex, lack of trust, lack of a sense of humor, etc. I’m going to give my opinions on a few of these. For starters, I believe that if your partner has an alcohol or substance abuse addiction and they aren’t willing to get help, that is definitely a deal breaker. You cannot want sobriety more for your partner, they have to want it and do the work to maintain their sobriety. This is one of those times where you might have to love a person from a distance until they can get the help that they need or remove yourself from the relationship.



Establish boundaries early in your relationship.

Depending on the distance, I would have to say that long distance is definitely a deal breaker for me also. Not to say that the person isn’t worth the value of the commute, it’s just not something I’m willing to do to be in a relationship. I enjoy having access to my partner and I’m not into FaceTime or Skype so connecting virtually is not enough for me. I need a physical connection with my partner. Not to say that long distance relationships end because of cheating but, there’s a pretty good chance of it happening and remember, infidelity is a deal breaker for me.


Whatever your deal breakers are, make that known in the beginning of the relationship because it won’t be pretty later on after months of dating and you find yourself heartbroken. This is not to say that things won’t happen. Infidelity is a deal breaker for me but there’s no guarantee that my partner won’t cheat on me. He is highly aware of my response if that becomes an action of his during our relationship. You establish how people will treat you when you let them know your deal breakers.

© 2018 by Kheiston Tilford. Kheiston Tilford Consulting and Services