Today, Essence released an article online in regards to Sanaa Lathan thoughts on how currently, she's not focusing on finding a man, but rather, she's chosen to focus more on herself. According to Essence, "The actress spoke about relationships during CultureCon in New Your City last weekend." We live in a world where women in our generation were raised to grow up and become wives and mothers, but we've never really been taught how to truly love ourselves first. Well the famous actress has decided to change that narrative in her own life.
While speaking with journalist Taylor Rooks in regards to her statement, "I'ma choose me first."... Lathan was referring to how some of our favorite Disney characters were taught to wait for and let a man choose you. Instead of waiting on a man to choose her, she's investing the time and resources needed to invest in herself, first. How many successful marriages would we have, if more women felt this way? Getting married is great but that doesn't instantly solve problems that you have and that only you need to work on internally. We always hear women say, "He completes me." That mindset is the farthest from the truth. A woman should be completely herself before she gets involved with or marry any man.
“I do believe in love and I want that for myself, but right now I’m focused on loving myself and the truth is when you start loving yourself, you attract a better quality of situation,” Lathan detailed. “I want somebody who wants me shining; who is not scared of that; who will be there after the days over and actually cares about what’s going on in my life. And I want to do the same for someone.” - Courtesy of Essence
With Lathan's philosophy, she is sure to see a return on her investment: a life long partner. Now, this is not to say that all relationships work for the good because in life, sometimes things happen. You can have a great partner and the relationship can still turn for the worst.
I believe what she's basically saying is that, when you get to know yourself first, spend time loving on yourself instead of falling for every guy that shows you some attention, divorce rates will decline and you overstaying your welcome in another toxic relationship, will no longer exist. I spent a year practicing abstinence once and it was one of the best decisions I ever made in my life. I really learned how to "choose me first" while I was single. I discovered so many things (both good and bad) about myself that I never knew existed. My discernment when choosing men to date became crystal clear and it helped me realize that outside of sex, some men just weren't worth my sanity or time.
When we are dating or even having sex with multiple people, we are creating soul ties with these men. Some of those soul ties can only be removed by laying prostrate before God and asking Him to remove them and others exit our souls I believe, just in due time. I used to be queen of going from relationship to another, after another and so forth. But then once I learned my self worth and the value that I bring into a relationship, I stop giving myself away to every man that crossed my path, mentally and physically. I don't date out of loneliness anymore. I don't date just to flex for the 'gram or to share my new relationship status on Facebook either. I'm with someone now because I chose me first!
If you are single or dating, take some time and really get to know yourself first. Just because a man chooses you, doesn't mean you have to accept his offer either. Women are out here being badasses and now is not the time to keep ourselves engaged with generational curses or believing in those fairy tales that we once loved as a kid. It's time to put on our big girl panties and get the healing that we need, investing in loving on ourselves more, be loosed from those soul ties that's been lingering around and have better respect for ourselves. All of this can be done regardless if you get married or not or stay single until you reach eternity.
Repeat after Sanaa Lathan as apart of your daily affirmations, "I'ma choose me first."