What I Learned From Darius & Nina's Relationship


Image courtesy of Vibe

Love Jones movie is always listed in the top ten movies of all time especially in the African American community. We still watch this movie over and over, year after year, as if it just came out. There were so many gems dropped in this movie, but I thought I'd share a few of my lessons learned from watching this movie as it relates to relationships. If you are single and reading this, take my lessons learned and prayerfully you will avoid making these mistakes in your God-sent relationship.


These lessons below are simple to read but some of them may require some techniques for you to continuously do. I have applied these lessons learned currently and my relationship is so much better than before. With any other area of your life, relationships take work. Both partners have to be committed to doing the work that sustains the relationship. If you're relationship is one sided, they may not be the one for you.


Don't let history with a person keep you from finding true love. So many people stay in broken relationships with their partners because of the history they have with that person. I don't care about the history I have with a person if I'm in a miserable relationship. I fought too hard for my life of peace and happiness to stay in a relationship with someone just because we have history together. Create a new history in a healthier and happier relationship with someone else.


Let go of dead-end or toxic relationships. Once Nina moved out from her ex-fiance apartment, she should've let that relationship go. I can say this now because I've been that woman still trying to hold on to my relationship with my ex-finance and in the end, it just didn't work out. I ruined so many great relationships because I was still trying to work on the relationship with my ex-fiance which was headed nowhere all along. Don't do it sis, let that ex go and be with the person that makes you happy, currently!


Keep everyone's thoughts and opinions out of your relationship. In other words, date privately not for the public. I used to post everything about my relationships on social media or ask everyone's advice about things pertaining to my relationships and that was a huge mistake. Of course, you can ask your trusted friends about some relationship advice every now and then, but just not all of the time. Keep what goes on in your relationship between you and your partner. This rule doesn't apply if you are being abused mentally, physically, emotionally, etc.


Don't pick up your partner's habits. Darius smoked cigarettes and Nina started smoking cigarettes. Some habits are "ok" to pick up once you start dating someone. For instance, I started the habit of managing my money better once I met my partner. But habits that are harmful to your health, is not something you want to pick up from your partner. This always reminds me of how people blames Bobby Brown for getting Whitney Houston strung out on drugs when it was the other way around, allegedly.


Don't date your ex's homeboy. You're just asking to walk around in shame or be talked about negatively. As a grown woman, you should know that there are plenty of eligible bachelors in this world, for you not to date your ex's homeboy. How would you feel if your ex came strolling into a party with your bff on his arms? It'll be a girl fight most definitely or your heart will be crushed. Stay away from your ex's homeboys, they are off limit. We don't seek revenge or try to make our ex jealous as grown women, we simply just move on with our lives.


Define the relationship. Darius explains that he's basically just having sex with Nina and there's nothing more to the relationship, when in reality, there was definitely more to their relationship. So to keep the confusion down, I learned how to define the relationship that I'm in with a man early, and not go off what I think we're doing. How many times, have I been dating a person exclusively and they were dating multiple people? Too many to post on this blog post. As women, we tend to date one man at a time, and men do the total opposite while dating, they date multiple women. Get an understanding or define the relationship up front and periodically as needed, to avoid a broken heart.


You must be willing to compromise, sometimes. Darius and Nina were both too strong and independent people and when you put like-minded people together, often times, they'll clash eventually. I watched this movie a million times and thought to myself that they could have removed a bunch of their stress if they would've honestly communicated their feelings and simply compromised sometimes with each other. I am not a fan of football, but my partner doesn't ask me for much, so every now and then, I compromise and watch football games with him (I try to put my cellphone away and truly watch the game but I'm not perfect).


Deal with your past relationships and insecurities. Speaking of honest communication, honestly communicate to yourself and your partner about what hurt you in your past relationships. This will help you set healthy boundaries and avoid being hurt intentionally by your current partner. We all have our insecurities and fears about new relationships, especially if we have a history of past pains or feelings of neglect or abandonment in a relationship. Let your partner know your love language and learn theirs as well. You can avoid making the same mistakes in relationships if you talk about what you don't like or what has hurt you in the past. A person who truly loves you or interested in you, will take heed to that and work fervently on not causing you pain.


What lessons have you learned about relationships from watching the movie Love Jones? Need a refresher? Make it a movie night date with yourself or your partner/spouse, and discuss what you learned. Post your thoughts in the comments.

© 2018 by Kheiston Tilford. Kheiston Tilford Consulting and Services