Between reading a book and multiple conversations on social media, it seems like the theme for my week was: infidelity. I posted this question on my Facebook page Friday, and before I share some of the comments, let me make it clear, this post had nothing to do with my relationship. You know people will jump to assumptions whenever one poses a question such as this. See the posted comments and then my responses underneath:
Q: Why do men/women cheat?
Answer from T.C.M.: Excitement of the risk
Felicia: In my past, I know I cheated for the excitement and that usually involved a risk of my partner finding out. I mean why else would I cheat, if there were no risks? Why was that such a thrill back then? Thank God I’ve grown up and know better now, plus thrills for me now includes laying in my bed or on the couch reading a book, NOT cheating and creeping.
Answer from G.A.: Cause P%*SY is plentiful
Felicia: So is penis….
Answer from multiple people: Selfish
Felicia: I’m selfish with a lot of things but cheating, is a zero tolerance for me. I’m too grown to be selfish and lying to my partner. I would respect my partner more if he told me upfront that he’s interested in another person, intimately, and let me make the decision to stay or leave.
Answer from R.S.: Greedy cowards… Not getting what u want at home and afraid to break up or you’re even getting what u want but you want something different. Or payback.
Felicia: The spirit of reflecting on a past breakup jumps out of me reading that one. I had an ex-boyfriend that cheated on me so many times, I wrote a whole monologue about his ass in my production, “Love ‘Em All Monologues.” The crazy thing as I look back on those moments, I kept accepting him back because I was just so in love with him. I couldn’t have loved myself back then to continue to stay with a man who wouldn’t break up with me, but would rather cheat on me and whenever he did break up with me, I begged him to come back, now how foolish was I for that?…….PRAISE BABY JESUS FOR MY GROWTH & DEVELOPMENT! It took me years to break free of that cycle of a dysfunctional relationship.
Answer from M.J.: Most likely to seek advancement
Felicia: Y’all gotta help me out with this one. You make advancements in your career NOT by infidelities. I guess a person cheats because of the possibilities of finding someone new. But why not just be single and be mingling? Save your partner the heartbreaks if you really care about them and have the honest conversations needed to define the relationship. For me, after two hugs, a glass of wine and a kiss shared between us, WE GO TOGETHER. LOL so please ladies and gents, don’t seek advancements, just define the relationship ASAP.
Answer from O.B.: Because we have unrealistic expectations of long-term monogamy and expect our partner to “complete” us or be our “everything” and when our realities don’t live up to the expectations of ultimate bliss, people don’t know how to have the necessary, hard conversations with their partners. People are afraid (some may say too cowardly) to talk about boundaries and wants and needs and how they may differ from their partners in order to have a genuinely honest, vulnerable relationship with that person.
Felicia: Preach! Let all the saints and aint’s #SayAmen ….. I knew that even though I attended Bedside Baptist this morning, I would still get a word and this person’s comments was the word. *Passing my offering now*
I don’t know why it’s so hard for people to set boundaries EARLY in a relationship (I’m guilty of this obviously in my past). Not to say that, sh&t don’t happen in relationships cause they do BUT stop settling for less and get you somebody that values and respect you and the boundaries that are placed in your relationship.
May the force of being faithful be with you. Let’s continue the conversation in the comments.