Black Women Are Not All “Complicated”


Black women are diverse in their personalities and a great sisterhood to have when needed.

I heard so many times and have said myself, "I can't hang around a bunch of black women because they're too messy"....."they're too catty".... or "all they do is start drama".....and so forth. That is all the farthest from the truth and if that's your current circle of friends, it's time that you move around and find you some new friends. Men have even said that they don't like dating black women because we're too "complicated" and that is where this blog post begins.....


Black women are the most beautiful and greatest gifts to this world we live in after Jesus! We are all different and that's what makes us great and not complicated. We have every right to voice our own thoughts, comments and concerns when it comes to our overall existence. We have positioned this country into a space of building wealth for our families, that teachers will never be allowed to teach our daughters and sons in school environments. We are the nurturers and problem solvers in our families. We are the strength needed in difficult times and there ain't a damn thing complicated about us!


Friendships are valuable and should never be complicated.

Through my own ignorance years ago, I believed the same things negatively said about black women. That ideology has changed for me now because I changed my circle of friends and constantly engage with and spend my time with women who want to see me win, help me win and I can do the same for them in return. These women are the shoulders that I can cry on when I'm at my lowest points in life or when I'm just being my typical cry baby self over everything lol. I've met women who are not complicated but rather are growing and who are discovering their authentic selves outside of how they have been raised to think and act.


I don't like having what I call "cheerleader friends" who are cheering you on no matter what it is that you're doing or how much of a fool you're making of yourself, they are right there, cheering you on. I prefer friends who will tell me the truth even when it hurts and I love a diverse group of women that we can all learn something from each other and not have one-sided friendships. The more we collaborate over competing with each other, the more society will change the narrative they have about us.


If you've been hurt in the past by hanging out with a group of black women, get to the root of the issue(s). See if the relationship can be rekindled and if not, take whatever lessons you learned and find you a new group of friends. Don't stay to yourself because you're still holding on to past grudges. I'm a homebody and love the monthly events hosted by Jazmine Boutte of the JD Series. Jazmine is always putting together events and brunches for women to connect and really network. Her events makes you feel like you have been with the women in attendance, for a lifetime. You're never around women who make you feel "less than" them or a bunch of catty mess going on. That's the kind of circle of women, I enjoy being around.


I challenge you today to look at how you view black women and know that we are all not "complicated." Some of our stories may derive from being hurt, neglected and ignored by people we once loved and trusted but please, hear us out and give us a chance to show you, that we expect respect and love like anyone else. If you are fortunate enough to have a group of friends who are a joy to be around, value their friendships with you, more. Show up for them, just as they do for you and more. You were not created to be in this world, alone and be viewed by some people as too complicated to be around.


Images courtesy of my favorite photographer Britt Smith.

© 2018 by Kheiston Tilford. Kheiston Tilford Consulting and Services